i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
