I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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