How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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