he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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