12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
