Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
