You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
