I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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