i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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