I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
