His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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