Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
