the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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