Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
