jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
