OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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