nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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