a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
