4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
