so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
