Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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