There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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