I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
