dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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