You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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