So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
