I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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