While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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