wrigley field is MILF paradise
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
