I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
