I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
