At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
