dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
