Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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