I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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