I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
