then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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