No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
