would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
