can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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