yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
