youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
