Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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