I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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