The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
