Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
