Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
