I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
