After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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