Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
