I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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