I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
