i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
