Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
