the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
