btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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