dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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