I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
